Darren was given a probationary period and required rehabilitation in January. I saw him at the grocery store a few weeks later. He appeared calmer and more conscious. He gave me a repayment schedule that calls for paying $100 every two weeks. I took it because, for the first time, he was taking responsibility for his acts, not because of the money.
Darren is repaying me, working in a warehouse, going to treatment, and gradually mending our relationship eight months later.
We actually talked when I asked him over for dinner. “Do you still think I’m a screw-up?” he asked. “No, because you stopped blaming everyone else at last,” I said.
The most difficult thing I’ve ever learned is that poor behavior can occasionally be made possible by grace. The most loving thing I could do was to set limits—to report him, to cut him off. For me, not for him. I came to see that love doesn’t need you to give up your calm, and I’m not accountable for someone else’s lowest point. Love can sometimes require taking a step back and allowing someone to ultimately confront themselves.
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